It Should Have Been You
by poojaicp
Summary: Series of OneShots describing the thoughts in Ross and Rachel's minds in the various situations throughout the entire F.R.I.E.N.D.S series.. written by m4manju & poojaicp!
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys.. So this is gonna be a joint fic of myself and **m4manju** who is the mind behind this theme. She came up with the title and the situations for the fic, and I instantly got interested.. well, why wouldn't I? :P I have written the first chapter, though. She would write the next one.. ;) Its basically Ross or Rachel's thoughts about each other throughout the series after the various situations they find themselves in.. We both hope you like it so that we can post our next chapter faster. :) Read and Review..

 **Chapter 1 : Why weren't you here?**

 _by poojaicp_

As I lay back on my bed, I can't help but smile. Smile at the thought of my baby. I stroke my slightly bulged out belly involuntarily, thinking about my little girl. She kicked. For the first time ever.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. But I just can not lift my hand to wipe it, from my belly where my angel resides. Why do I need to anyway? It is the tear of my happiness. The biggest one till now. In my whole life, actually.

I realise my baby is growing up in there. Soon she will be out of my uterus. Of course she will always remain in my heart but I'm definitely going to miss being pregnant. In just little over four months, I am going to get a little someone who I will love more than I have loved anyone. Whom I already love more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. More than my own Parents. More than my friends. More than any of my boyfriends. Hell, even more than myself.

I chuckle at the thought. Who would have thought the oh-so self-centered head cheerleader would be having a baby, that too alone? Not me I'll say.

I remember the moment again. Her first kick. I froze at first, due to an unusual feeling in my stomach. Another kick and I was already smiling. It felt as if she was trying to tell me that she is here. Well.. not technically, but soon she will be. And I do not have to feel lonely. Ever. The kick that gave me a reassurance that I will have someone to love. Always. The kick that made me realise that I will have a reason to live, that I'm not aimless and my life has a purpose.

Wow.. so that is what it feels like. Love. Motherly love. The purest, most ethereal love anyone can feel for anyone. I feel it. I feel it now. More than ever. I knew I was having these changes in myself when I found out I was pregnant. This kick has only hightened my emotions. And I got to share this beautiful moment with... Joey?

The thought saddens me. My little girl kicked for the first time and her father was not even there to share it with me. Why wasn't he here? Oh yeah right.. It is in the middle of the night and he does not live with me.

Another tear rolls down my cheek. This time of sadness. Emptiness. A moment so important for both of the parents, and he missed it. Sure, she would kick again and he might even be there with me the next time, but isn't the first time the most special?

If only things were simple. If only we were living together. If only we were.. together. If only we could make it right. Just for once. Not for me. Not for him. But for the baby. OUR baby.

I smile at the thought. I go back to the night this little angel was conceived. He was so sweet, so giving, so tender with me that night. But then.. he always was all of those things. Even when I didn't pay attention to him. Even when he was just my friend. Even when I broke up with him. Even when I did the most stupid of things when he was with any other girls.

I remember the next morning. Hearing from him that it was better not to go down that road again put a knot in my stomach. Seeing him gather his things so that no one could find out about our 'night' ached me a lot. Feeling the brush of his lips against mine that morning, possibly for the last time, broke my heart a little. It was almost like losing any chance with him again. Ever. But at the same time, gaining something. Something way more important than anything I have ever experienced. Only on the eve of Monica and Chandler's wedding did those thoughts got an explanation. The blue stick. Positive. I was going to have a baby. Ross' baby. And that thought alone made it ten times easier to deal with my situation. I mean.. It is Ross!

I get up from the bed and walk the small distance to the kitchen to have some water. I pour myself a glass and walk over to the window. I look right across the road. The window to his apartment. It is dark. Of course. He must have been asleep. But is he alone? Is Mona at his side?

I cringe at the thought. I can't help but think that it should be me. With him. Not her. So that I get to share many of the firsts of our daughter with him. My him? Maybe..

"Hey Rach what are you doing up so late?" I hear Joey's voice and break the chain of my never ending thoughts. I wipe my eyes before turning around.

"Nothing, I just couldn't sleep you know.. I was thinking about when she kicked" I say keeping a hand on my belly.

"It was almost real" His eyes lit up like a child. I give him a look. "You know what I mean" He shrugged. Typical, Joey. He walked to where I was standing and said "I'm just glad I got the chance to witness that moment" I give him a faint smile thinking it should have been Ross. Joey moved to have a glass of water himself and went back to sleep.

I glance at the window across the street one more time. I was about to turn around and go back to my bedroom when I see the lights go on. And then I see him. The father of my baby.

I see him walking around with a glass of water and coming straight to his window. He looks up in the sky. He was always the one to love the beauty of it. The stillnes and serenity of the night were peaceful to him, as once he told me. The moon. The stars. Oh, the stars! I smile as I think back to the events of the planetarium. That night I really thought that was it. Ross was it. No other man out there was better for me. Being in his arms and holding him in mine felt right beyond perfection. That night I never thought I'd be having these thoughts at this very moment.

I see him again. He's looking over here. I got so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even get to know when he looked down from the sky, straight at my apartment. Can he see me? No.. it's dark in here. He couldn't possibly...

I feel like we're staring deep into each other's eyes. How he used to tell me he loved my aqua. How I used to lose myself in those big brown puppy eyes. Those eyes were once mine. He was once mine. For one whole year. Blissful!

I look down as she kicks again. I smile. She must have felt that her Mommy was looking at her Daddy. I see his lips curling upwards. Well the road is not that wide, it is pretty easy to notice the details. Oh, God. He is looking right at me. That familiar feeling. I feel butterflies in my stomach. He waves to me. My smile grows wider and I wave back. He pats his stomach to ask me about the baby. I stroke my belly and show him a thumbs up to let him know she is fine.

He goes back to his bedroom. His move saddens me. He comes back though, with a phone. He looks at me knowingly. Understanding the meaning, I look for the phone. I find it on the barca lounger. As I go back to the window, it rings.

"Hey you" I smile when he says those words. Our signature greeting. At least, that would never change, even if we did.. or did we?

"Hi"

"How are you?" His voice so soft.

"Good. You?"

"Alone"

"Where's Mona?" I don't know why I ask that.

"At her place. She had to work late" He explains.

"Why are you up anyway?" I ask.

"Couldn't sleep actually. I mean.. I woke up when I got the feeling of missing something, you know. Like I forgot to do something" He explains. I can't help but to think - Yes. You did miss something. Your daughter kicking for the first time. And you were not even here. Why Ross? How did we get there? If only I could ask him these questions aloud.

"What about you?" He asks, bringing me back to reality.

"Huh" I didn't understand.

"Why are you up so late? I know how you love to sleep" His words bring a faint smile on my face. "So whatcha thinking? You sacrifice your sleep on if something's bothering you" He knows me so well. And yet... I shook my head, closing my eyes.

"What is it?" He asks again. I open my eyes and look at him briefly for a few moments.

"It should have been you"

I blurt out surprising myself. My words confuse him. I hang up the phone. I didn't look back at him and went to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys.. I'm so happy you all liked the first chapter to this new fic.. I liked the comment with the mention of Indian girls, but want to let you know, Roschel shippers are the same round the globe, right? Anyway, m4manju and myself thank you from the bottom of our hearts.. This one is Ross' POV at the time he was married to Emily, precisely a couple of days after the birth of the triplets. Enjoy reading and do not forget to review!

* * *

 **Chapter 2: I wish..**

 _by poojaicp_

 _I'm still in love with you_

Her words are still echoing in my head. I sit in the dark on the couch of my apartment. I can't sleep in the night. Not after that particular moment. Even if my mind wanders to other things, it somehow always leads back to her.

Yes, I am making every possible effort to save my marriage with Emily. But still in my heart, I feel it is wrong. I have a hard time thinking about the reason. Well, something ..or someone does make sense for how I feel but I quickly push it.. or her away. Not this time though..

 _I'm still in love with you_

It was surreal. That moment she said these words I always loved to hear from her. And yet... torturing. Cos this particular time, I couldn't even reciprocate her feelings. I had to give it to God for the timing. I was married. To a girl that was not her. And how did that happen? Oh yeah.. she broke up with me over an year ago. Why? I slept with someone else and cheated on her. Why, again? Because 'we were on a break'. I wince. Who am I kidding? It doesn't even matter if we were on a break. The truth is I hurt her. I crushed a relationship which was too good to be true. Almost like a dream. Except that it wasn't. It was very much real. The love we shared was too deep not to be real. Ahh..That one year of pure bliss!

Suddenly my eyes dart towards a picture of the gang that was clicked at Central Perk. I pick up the frame from my corner table. It was around the Christmas of the year we were dating. She was looking up lovingly at me from where her head rested on the nook between my head and shoulder. I smile at the sight of her smiling face that gave life to the picture.

What I wouldn't give to go back to that time. The time of my life which I cherish the most. If only I would have cherished her more. If only I would have trusted her enough to believe that she actually loved me. That she wasn't going to cheat on me. I chuckle in pain thinking about the irony.

Hmm.. so I did the most terrible thing to her. Adding myself in the list of those scum of guys she used to date before me. They didn't see her for what she was. And she is beautiful. Inside and out. Her beauty always used to mesmerise me. Ahem.. it still does. Always will, actually.

Back when we were in high school, I used to admire her for hanging out with Monica, without a thought of what it did to her image. When she came running into Central Perk wearing that wet wedding dress, I began to admire her for leaving her fancy lifestyle and moving into the city, starting from scratch.

The wedding dress... how I used to imagine her walking down the aisle in a white gown. Towards me. Just like a floating angel. Obviously, I thought about it when we were dating. But not after our break up.

After hearing her say those words...

 _I'm still in love with you_

I can't help but think about it again. What if I hadn't cheated on her? What if I had proposed to her on the night of our anniversary, as I had planned? What if she would have accepted? I would have felt ecstatic, like on the top of the world. But that was a different story altogether.

So what would have happened? Well, for starters it would not have been a problem when I said 'I Ross, take thee Rachel'

I relive the moment. Why did I say that? I can't really comprehend what brought those words out of my mouth. Sure I would like it even more if she was my bride. But she wasn't. She was just a friend who surprised me by coming at my wedding on the last moment.

Really?

Okay so she was acually the girl I spent my teenage years dreaming about. She was the girl who was so out of my league that it wasn't even funny.

But my fate changed. For the better. When the tables were turned and she was the one feeling that way about me. _ME._. Her best friend's geeky older brother. I can't even explain how I felt after hearing that voice mail message that she left. When she couldn't look in my eyes while confessing her feelings for me. It lit up my entire self.

So yeah.. she was a friend, who happened to be the girl that shared a long history with me. So what? Maybe that was it. That's what made me say her name. Deep down I wanted her to be my bride. Well, it should have been her. I feel my eyes welling up at the thought.

I feel ashamed of myself. Was I actually getting married to someone else to get over her? And in doing so, I managed to ruin not only mine and Rachel's, but even Emily's life.

Emily is an amazing woman, really. She brings out the fun side of me. She even chose to spend the rest of her life with me. And what did I do? Said another woman's name at the alter. In front of her family and friends. How humiliating that would have been? I shook my head in disgust with myself.

Getting married for the second time was supposed to be a happy event. In stead I screwed up. I insulted my wife by saying another woman's name. Moreover, by getting married, I blew all possible chances of getting back together with that other woman. The woman of my dreams. I should die. Or at least live in misery under someone's stairs!

The chain of my thoughts is broken when I hear the phone ringing. I gather myself before picking it up.

"Hello?" I say blankly.

"Hi Ross" It is Emily. "I think I am going to give you another chance" I sigh. Something to end up the day on a happy note.

"Thank you Emily. I promise you won't regret it" I say honestly.

"But I have a condition, Ro-"

"Anything" I cut her, a little too desperate.

"I need you to discard all the furniture of yours before I move in with you"

"What?" I chuckle. I really don't understand the reason for this condition "What do you mean?"

"What I mean is.. I can't use anything associated with her. So please discard everything she used, sat on or even touched"

I keep shut for a few moments taking it all in. To get rid of all that stuff is like drilling a hole in my chest by keeping me away from her memories as well. I feel a knot in my stomach.

"Ross, are you there?" Her voice brings me back to reality.

"Yes. Yes I am" Still in shock.

"So?" She asks expectantly. I take a few seconds.

"Okay" I say without thinking.

"Good" I hear a smile in her reply.

We talk for a few more minutes before she hangs up. I put the cordless back on its cradle and walk towards the window. I see the dark and peaceful night that has fallen upon. I feel like it is extra dark for my being. I close my eyes and a series of moments flash in my mind. The ones I have kept very safely in the treasure of my heart.

I close my fist tightly as to keep those moments alive within me. And then I decide I have to do it. I have to do whatever Emily says to make my marriage work. Afterall she is my wife.

A single tear rolls down my cheek thinking about that. Only if I had not been so stupid, it would have been Rachel.


	3. Chapter 3

So this chapter is going to be Rachel's thoughts after her birthday party in Season 9 - TOW Phoebe's Rats. Before I start it, I wanna tell you a personal thing.. This is the very interaction I had with the F.R.I.E.N.D.S When I saw Ross' reaction after Rachel kisses Gavin, I knew from that very moment that these two (Ross & Rachel) had something. And then I got the whole series downloaded and surfed the net to know the story of the lobsters, I was indeed, correct :) So now I'll let you all read it.. Don't forget to review!

* * *

 **Chapter 3: When I open my eyes..**

 _by poojaicp_

I sit on my bed. I unconsiously click-clack the switch to the lamp that lays on my night stand. My mind goes back to the events of earlier today. My birthday. My first one with Emma. I smile at the thought of my little angel. She is my shining star. I lift my head up to see if she's sleeping soundly in her crib. She is. Aww.. look at her hands on both the sides of her head.. Just like I used to do when I was little, as my mother told me.

I chuckle at how I desperately hid the fact that it was my birthday at the coffee shop this morning. But seriously, I didn't want to give Gunther a reason to hug me. That guy creeps me out at times.

It sure became interesting at the lunch Monica treated me with. Boy does she talk about her sex life with Chandler and how they are at it always, as they try to conceive. Well.. to have free food, you gotta listen to some weirdly erotic stories. Even if it involves Chandler Bing!

I remember opening that box full of rats. I put my other free hand on my chest as I relive the frightening moment. Even after nine years, I still do not get the way Phoebe's brain works. How Mike handles that question mark of a creature is beyond me!

I laugh hard as I recall Joey's face when he returned to the party all bummed out. He really wanted to go out with the nanny. I smirk to myself. It must had been an epic moment when the guys realised she was a lesbian. I wish I was there..

Where was I? Oh yeah.. I was at my boring party. I roll my eyes. Monica organised it, that's the only explanation I have. I felt so lonely at the end. Having everything but still... nothing.

And then he came. Gavin. Why did Monica have to invite him for my party? I actually hated his guts for trying to take my job away from me. What was that theory of hers.. that he actually liked me? What a load of crap.

Who am I kidding? He kissed me. Just a simple peck. Strangely I liked it. So much that I kissed him again. This one lingered for a while. I closed my eyes to feel it. Suddenly I felt desirable. It was my birthday for crying out loud. I should have someone to kiss like that. But then I opened my eyes...

That was so not the face I wanted to see. Not Gavin. But still.. I was confused. I didn't even know what I really wanted. Whom I really wanted.. I shake my head helplessly.

Was Gavin interested to go out with me? Or was he just taking advantage of the fact that I was alone?

Do I want to date him?

Why not? Things have really been on a standstill as far as Ross is concerned. I chuckle in misery. Every thought leads to him. That one year with him was both a blessing and a curse. Well.. more of a blessing but.. you know what I mean.

In the initial weeks of dating him, I realised that all the things I did earlier in my life made sense. I left Barry at the altar, and that brought me to the city, back into Ross' life. Most importantly, Ross came into mine. Though I left Barry because I didn't love him, I actually learnt what love was only when I started going out with Ross. He treated me like none of my previous boyfriends did. Like a princess. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. My lips curl upwards as I think back to those memories. My mind goes back to one moment in particular.

* * *

 _December 1995_

I slept soundly on his bed at his apartment "Rachel?" His voice came into my ears as a whisper. I opened my right eye and peeked at him. I saw him smiling down at me, and that vision was all it took for me to do the same. His goofy little smile was a miracle, even if he thought I was God's most beautiful creation. Oh well..

I closed my eyes to play with him, that smile still stuck on my face. He groaned softly. "Sweetie?" I stiffled a chuckle. "Well if you're gonna do that, then I would have no other option than to return your Christmas Eve present"

I gasped and opened my eyes, giving a fake mad look to him. He always knew how to handle me. Boy did I love him for he knew me more than even I knew myself. Ahemm.. more than I know myself.

 _At present I think, if only he knew what went inside my heart these days._

He smiled mischievously. "What do you have there, Geller?" I asked

We always used to tease each other like that. It gave us a reassurance of our friendship. After all we did find love in each other after we became the best of friends.

He didn't answer my question right away, but leaned towards me to kiss me full on the mouth. The kiss that lingered for a good ten seconds or so. The kiss that left me breathless. He pulled away and simply said "This.." We kept staring at each other for what seemed like Eternity. Simple yet intimate moments like these made my relationship with Ross so special. Each and every minute I spent with him was in the list of my most cherished memories.

I chuckled, still breathless. "You do know that's a win-win situation for me, right?"

He nodded. "Why, do you have any problem?" He asked putting a strand of hair behind my ear.

I didn't say anything to him. I, instead put my hands on the back of his head, and pulled him towards myself. We shared another amazing kiss. Just like the one you see in the movies. Passion was dripping and we both had our eyes closed. I pulled away to gain some breath. He caressed my cheek with his hand and took his time to say the most heart-touching words he ever said to me "I want to look at your face everytime I open my eyes after a kiss"

I kept looking at him. There he was, a man so considerate. Looking back at me so tenderly, with all the love in his eyes. I pulled his body against mine, this time hugging him with all my might, not wanting to let go and wishing with all my heart the same thing for myself as well.

* * *

 _Present day_

I felt my eyes welling up, a faint smile on my face at the vivid memory. The way he said those words, so sincerely, so lovingly, made me believe that he would be mine. Forever. And he was. Until...

The chain of my thoughts is broken when I hear a shriek. I jerk my head towards the source of the noise. I quickly rush over to her and take her into my arms. I hug her close to my chest to calm her down. When she does so, I pull away to look at her. She is asleep now. I notice how her face twitches in her sleep. I know that she's off into the dreamland. Just like her Daddy. Hmm.. I wonder if he knows this little thing about himself.

I keep looking at my little girl. She is so beautiful. Some times it is hard to believe I made her. Ross, too. Mine and Ross' best features blended perfectly in this little creature.

All of a sudden, my thoughts give me an urge to see him. I walk towards his room with Emma in my arms. I open his door quietly so I don't make any noise. I take a peek into his room and see him sleeping soundly at his side. I walk inside and sit on the spot next to him. He's a dead meat when he's asleep, I recall. I don't have to bother that he might wake up. So I trace his face very softly with my fingertips and smoothen the hair that fall onto his forehead, and block my view.

Aww.. he still does the twitching thing. I smile at the sight.

An idea pops into my mind. I want to do it. It will be like a test.. more of a confirmation. For me. For us, maybe?

I look at Emma once to make sure she's still sleeping. I don't want her to cry. That sure would wake her Daddy up.

I close my eyes, lean down and softly kiss him on the forehead. I open my eyes to see his beautiful face. The sight gives me a relief. I feel my lips tremble when a realisation hits me. Yes, I am still in love with him. It is both the first and the last thing I want to feel. But the only thing that I feel is right.

With a faint smile on my face, I go back to my room and put Emma in her crib.

I get under the covers and nod to myself.

"It should have been Ross to kiss me on my birthday"


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: So another brain child from a Ross Rachel shipper like me eh? This one is more like, the times they wished they were together. Have not decided how long this is going to run. Depends on the response and reviews :P

* * *

 **Chapter 4 : When Ben came into my life! - A page from Ross' diary**

 _by m4manju_

Ever since you walked back into my life that rainy day, I can't stop thinking about "us". It always leaves a silly smile on my lips whenever I think about the possibilities of our togetherness.

You know, that day when Carol told me about her pregnancy, I was happy (Ok, shocked for a few hours but I can't deny feeling butterflies in my stomach). When I was lying on the bed that night, however, I could not stop imagining how different it would have been, had it been you declaring that pregnancy to me..

I attended those parent-craft classes with Carol, filled out hospital forms before her regular appointments, and did many medical tests to check if we were carriers of any disorders. I am not saying I feel bad that I did it with her, or I regret that period of my life, of course not. But I would have reached over the moon had it been with you!

When I held my baby for the first time today, the feelings were so overwhelming, I felt my heart almost explode with happiness. He had his eyes closed and was peacefully sleeping in my arms. Carol had Susan with her and i was left alone in that room. Yet somehow I was not feeling alone. It was probably that tiny little creature who had just come to this world, made an amazing connect with me. I made a promise to him that I will never leave him alone and you know what the most wonderful thing is, I felt him make the same to me without any words! I wish you were there to share these moments with me. I wish it were you!


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everybody! So last night, I was watching episode 15 of season 8 and got inspired to write a story that you are all about to read now. I was confused whether to write a new story or keep it OneShot, so I decided to write it here. Basically it shows Ross' thoughts between the time when Mona leaves his apartment after breaking up with him till the time he goes out to Central Perk where he meets Joey. Read and review.. Thanks.  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 5 : Unusual Realizations**

 _by poojaicp_

The whole world was happy. The entire city was celebrating love. Everybody was spending the day of love with their valentines. But not me. I am sitting (plopped down, actually) on the couch at my apartment, and staring right through the television recalling all those things. I look down at the table, the bottle of champagne I had originally bought for the 'date'.

"That ain't gonna happen now" I mutter to myself.

Even I had someone special an hour ago. I had a girlfriend. I had Mona. But by not being an honest boyfriend, who could be surprised that I got dumped. What did I do? Well, listing those things could actually take quite some time.

I pick up the bottle and unscrew its cork to take a sip. Ahhhh...

To start off, I did not tell her that I had got a girl pregnant. Granted, long before I even met Mona. But I could at least be honest with her. And who in God's name gets their locks changed the day they share their house key with their girlfriend? Not a loyal boyfriend, I'd say. Shameful, just shameful. To top it all off, I do not tell her that the mother of my child is actually living with me. _Maybe I should go and start living under somebody's stairs._

I close my eyes and shook my head in disgust with myself. I take another sip and let the liquid slide down my throat. An unusual feathery feeling fills my body. I don't know why. Maybe I feel free. Like a huge burden is lifted off my being. I sigh heavily and close my eyes. I do feel light.

After a couple of minutes I open my eyes and they land on a picture. I remember the day vividly. We were coming back from one of the doctor's appointment, when I got a call from my old colleague - Donald from the museum. She came with me and insisted we get a picture clicked as a remembrance of the successful completion of her first trimester. The paleontologist in me could not resist to brush her hair with a fossil brush to make it look funny. We both laughed hard as we saw the picture.

'God Ross, you can never let go off the geek in you, can ya?' I recall her sweet voice saying these words with a chuckle.

I got it framed when she agreed to move in with me. Before that I did not want Mona to find the picture at the apartment.

Oh my, God. It comes like an awakening to me. Now I can be with the mother of my child without feeling guilty. With Rachel. _My_ Rachel.

I smile at the thought of her. She is pregnant with my child. A girl. Our daughter. I hope to God she looks just like her mother. I take another sip, this time an overwhelming feeling fills my body.

Why feel down when I have everything I wanted since I was 15? A family. And not just any family, but one with Rachel Greene. Though not a conventional one at the moment. But who said it would stay like that forever. God knows we belong together, and some way or the other we are gonna end up together.

I frown when I realize something. Where is she? She left the apartment while Mona yelled and threw stuff on me. I was so stupid to not notice her departure. She should not be alone on Valentine's. Not when she's pregnant. Not when she can be with me. Even if it is as a friendly Valentine.

With the bottle still in my hand, I get up from the couch and go to the window. The blinds are drawn so I open them. I see her across the street at Monica and Chandler's. Even in her sweats, she manages to floor me.

I look up to the stars in the sky and notice Ursa Major. I cannot help but smile sheepishly at the memory of our first date. That was an amazing night. The whole year was just blissful. Another memory comes back to me.

February 14th, 1996 - the only Valentine's I celebrated with her. She surprised me with a candle lit dinner at my apartment. And she actually used the stove to cook chicken for me. It was the day I realized she must really love me to go through the process of being in the kitchen for several hours. The love making that followed was equally wonderful. The 15 year old awkward, geeky guy in me wanted to shout out to the world that the prom queen, the head cheerleader, the Princess, Rachel Greene not only was dating me but she also made an effort to impress me by her cooking.

I put my hands in the pockets of my pants and look back across the street. I furrow my eyebrows as I see she's not there anymore. I turn around and the door flies open. In she comes like a floating angel.

"Oh hey" She greets me. "I thought you would be asleep by now"

I shrugged. She hangs her coat on the hook and makes her way over to me.

"So you couldn't make Mona stay, huh?" Like a true friend, sympathy in her voice. I helplessly shake my head, but still feel good about the whole thing. And then it hit me, the worst thing while being with Mona was the fact that _I was with Mona_. Not Rachel, the mother of my child.

She snaps her fingers at my face when she sees me zoned out. "Huh?"

"I asked if you wanted to talk" She said slowly.

"Nah.. Not really. It's better this way, anyways. Now I won't have to feel guilty if I abandon her at a movie theater" I say to lighten the moment. As expected, this gets out a chuckle from her. My eyes wander down at her hand, which has a videotape.

"Hey, what's that?" I point to her hand.

"Oh! It is a tape of Phoebe's friend giving birth-"

"Candy?" I ask remembering my earlier conversation with our mutual friend.

"That's the one. She thought it would prepare me for the big day" She says imitating Phoebe. I chuckle and nod along.

"So you want me to watch it with you?"

She ponders for a while before answering. "Yes... and No" I look at her expectantly so she continues. "I would feel more comfortable if I watch it alone for the first time, you know.."

"Yea-yeah. I get it. Why, why don't I go for a walk while you watch it?"

"Sounds good" She gives me a smile and walks over to the player to pop in the tape.

I take one last sip from the bottle before taking my jacket and keys.

"Hey, do you need anything from the coffee shop?" I ask her as I open the door.

"No, I'm good. Thanks"

I was about to close the door behind me behind I heard her. "Hey, Ross?"

"Yeah" I say as I turn around.

She walks up to me and wraps her arms around me. I hug her back. She rubs my back affectionately and whispers in my ear "I am sorry Mona left you. She doesn't know what she's missing out on" We stay like that for a good ten seconds before she pats on my back and pulls away. I kiss her cheek.

"Happy Valentine's Day" She says softly as she gives me a friendly kiss on the cheek too. I wish her the same and guide myself out of the door.

I reach downstairs and inhale the cool air as I start walking around the Village. I say out loud what I had been thinking for the past hour, and couldn't gather up the courage to ask her.

"I should have asked Rachel to be my Valentine"

* * *

 **So how do you like it? Write a review to let me know. And you could also suggest some ideas to continue this series of 'It should have been you'. Maybe I will be able to do justice to Ross and Rachel's thoughts.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi guys, I am here with a new chapter to this one. Hope you all like it! This one is from Rachel's POV. So, read and review.  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 6 : It Should Not Have Been You**

 _by poojaicp_

I signal for a cab in the morning. Thankfully, it is the day after Thanksgiving, there would be no traffic and for once, Mr Zelner would not glare at me for being late for the conference.

I quickly hail a cab and give the cabby the directions to work. I smile at the view of the roads. Not many people work the day after such a big festival as Thanksgiving. This reminds me of last night and my expression changes.

I cannot believe what happened last night at dinner. A secret was revealed, something I could not even imagine in my dreams.

The rumor of me being half male and half female!

And what did Chandler call me? The hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island. I groan as the cab makes a sharp turn. The cabby briefly looks back at me and apologizes, not knowing my frustration is not because of him.

It is because of Ross. He started the rumor!

Ross, who fell for me when he was just fifteen years old.

Ross, who was my first and is my only one true love.

Ross, who is the father of my baby.

How could he do that? And to hear that from a stranger. Will, was it? Well, I could care less about his name. But, how he looked at me when I entered the apartment. It all makes sense now. Like a fool, I thought he was being sexy. And he was Ross' best friend in High School? How could Ross even hang out with someone who felt so much of hatred towards me? I mean, he claims he has always loved me, has he not? Well, platonic-ally if not romantically. Why would he start that lame club with him?

'I hate Rachel Greene Club'

I sigh looking out of the window, but actually staring at nothing. Gradually I start seeing my own reflection in the window glass. My face. I realize that this face had been mean to so many people in high school. Will said himself, I made his life miserable. And to think I did the same to Ross? If only I had seen beyond the looks. But it was a time I just could not see that.

I close my eyes and start to think about the old days. I actually did not give it much thought just before today. Whenever I used to think about it when we were going out, I would just push it away from my mind, thinking that it did not matter. We got together, it was going great and the past did not matter. High school did not matter. But after last night... I shake my head in disgust with myself.

The Altman story was still true, but to think back all those years ago, I gave him a real hard time. I used to make fun of him and his geeky-ness in front of my popular friends. I did not even pay attention to him when he tried to talk to me. I used to spend so much time at the Geller house, his house. Not once did I make an effort to get to know the sweet guy behind the geeky looks. I mean, I was a real bitch.

God, and he still wanted to take me to the prom? Just to save me from getting insulted? Did he actually love me that unconditionally? Does he still?

I smile at the thought. Maybe a little part of him would always love me. Just like I would always love him. No matter what happens between us in the future. We might end up together, we might not. But we are each others first love, and that is a fact that cannot be changed. First love is always that special.

A single tear makes its way down my cheek when I realize that. The cab stops and it seems like I have reached. Still in a daze, I pay the driver and walk into the building.

Only if I could go back in time so that I could save him from my bad side who made everybody's life miserable. I can only think of one thing, that I need to apologize to Ross for High School. I know it cannot take back what I did. But I won't be able to live with myself if I do not.

I enter the conference hall and take an empty seat, and think when could I say sorry to him. He is supposed to meet me at the doctor's later in the afternoon, maybe then. I stroke my flat belly unknowingly. Oh I cannot believe I am having a baby with him. This feels like a dream. Never ever did I think about being a mother. To Ross' child nonetheless. Sure, Ross planned out our whole future when we had just been together for a matter of six weeks. With the children's name.

That was also the day when said our first 'I love you'. I distinctly remember the events leading up to the moment. And true to 'Ross and Rachel' fashion, we confessed our feelings by yelling at each other. I chuckle to myself at the memory.

"Hey, Rachel. Good Morning" My assistant asks as she sits next to me. I greet her back as I see half of the chairs are filled with people, amidst my thoughts.

(...)

I sit in the lounge with the latest issue of Vogue in my hand, waiting for Dr Long to get free from the previous patient. I gasp as I see the picture of Julia Roberts in her ravishing dress. I turn the page when I hear a voice.

"Hey, Rach" I look up at him walking towards me. He takes a seat next to me on the couch. I smile.

"Hey, you"

"I'm sorry I got late but I had taken Ben to the Museum, so.." He trailed off.

"It's fine" I say with a 'no big deal' wave . "You did not miss anything" I say as I close the magazine. He smiles back at me.

I open my mouth to start the conversation that has taken up all my thoughts all day but my name gets called by the receptionist for the appointment. We both stand up and make our way towards the room.

(...)

Ross entered the room after I changed and stood near my head, not wanting to make me angry. I smile at the memory of the first time we were both here to see our baby. Together we waited for the doctor.

"How was your day?" He asked, breaking the silence that had fallen upon us.

"It was fine. Zelner was impressed by a couple of my ideas at the conference. So yeah, it was quite good"

"That's nice. I told Ben he was going to be a big brother soon. I hope you don't mind"

"Oh, no. It's all right. Was he happy?" I ask knowing the kid had always wanted a younger sibling, but his parents unconventional living situation did not help much.

"Oh, yeah. He was ecstatic" He smiled. "He actually asked me if he could come with me when I told I had to go to the Doctor's to see the baby"

I chuckle at his words. "I'll bet he'd be a great big brother"

He nodded while smiling.

"You know, Ross? The whole day I was thinking about last night"

He gives me a confused look.

"I mean, to know that I was such a bitch in high school is one thing. But, to know that I was so careless about others' feeling, especially yours. It just..." I trail off, not knowing how to finish the sentence.

"What brought this on, Rach?"

"Nothing. Just, listening to Will last night made me realize how much I regret being such an ass to you in high school. I mean, you were always so sweet and kind to me.." I look down ashamed. "..and I always took advantage of that" My eyes glisten a bit, and he notices my emotional tone. He takes hold of my hand.

"Rach?" He calls and lifts my face up to make me look at him. I do. "You don't have to feel that way, okay? You see, I don't think about it that way. I know what peer pressure does to us, Rach. Your group of friends had a great influence on you, and I get that. I knew deep down you were a kind girl. The fact that this thing is bothering you so much tells me how caring you are as a person" He lets the words sink in and kisses my forehead. I revel in the feeling of his lips on my skin. He pulls away and I'm already smiling.

"Thanks Ross. I feel so much lighter. I just feel that, you know, it should not have been you"

I say intending that I could have at least spared him by my bitchy nature.

He gives me a look that says he understands.

* * *

 **So how did you like it? A little different from the previous ones, I know. But watching that episode recently made me think about Rachel's thoughts.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Well, somebody requested me to write another chapter for this one. Although, I did not intend to write earlier, but the request made me sit down with my laptop and think. So I let my thoughts flow into my fingers, and typed up this chapter. Hmm, clash of the brain and heart is what I experienced for the first time. I think you would know what I mean as you go on and read the chapter. I still don't know if it makes sense, but I decided to post it because there is nobody better than you guys to let me know truthfully. So let me know if I did the right thing by following what the heart said.**

 **Just for your context, it is set during the wedding reception of Monica and Chandler, after Ross is escorted to his table by Mona and Joey. I won't say anymore. So, happy reading, you guys!**

* * *

 **Chapter 7 : If only...**

 _ **by poojaicp**_

Oh. My. God.

As I sit in the corner with my sore feet, I painfully look at Joey and Mona. He sure knows his way with the ladies.

What has the world come down to? Do I not deserve a moment of happiness to myself? I feel nobody gets me. I wish they did. Could anybody just make a little effort to understand me?

I know, I know, I sound like him. My best friend, Chandler. But I have a real, valid reason to feel that way. Everything I wanted, everything I had dreamt about since I was fifteen, everything I was sure to be destined for, was his. Our roles were swapped. And I was still alone. Although, I had been married three times, Chandler's wedding was something special. Why? Because he was marrying the love of his life. My little sister. Monica.

I look at her across the hall. She is dancing with her new husband. She never looked more beautiful. Wedding days are truly the most special.

And then she approaches them. Who?

The love of my life. Rachel.

Hmm, she looks gorgeous today. Not that she does not, otherwise. She is the only woman who can floor me even in her PJs, in her 'just got up' look as well.

I closely observe the three. I do not know what they talk about, but maybe the conversation takes a humorous turn, courtesy, the source of my envy right now. Chandler, of course.

And then I see her laugh, taking my breath away. It is contagious. Maybe that is why my lips curl up, and for that moment, I forget my sadness. She always manages to cheer me up somehow, that too, without making any effort.

Only if she could get me. She once did. But now... I shake my head, and sigh heavily, my sadness returning with sorrow now.

Regret.

Guilt.

This makes me look down.

If ever, our love story is written into a book, or made into a film, it would surely be called 'Lost Chances', that I'm sure of. I can not even count on my fingers the number of wasted opportunities to get back together, the number of lustful glances at each other, and the number of days lived without each other's love.

I close my eyes and keep my hands over my head, not wanting to face the world just yet. Moments pass, and I feel someone sit next to me. They keep their hand on my back, and starts to rub it softly.

Only her, I know. Only Rachel.

"Hey, you okay?" She asks, concern dripping in her voice.

I calmly look up at her angelic face, and nodded. Somehow I had lost the will to speak amidst my thoughts.

"You sure? Chandler told me about how you danced with every little girl"

So maybe, that is why he made them laugh, telling stories about my 'lost chance' with Mona. I laugh to myself in misery about the double meaning that phrase contains.

I give her a faint smile, and was just about to say something when she continued. "It was really sweet, you know" She looks into my eyes, and by the way she is smiling, I know she saw how my eyes lit up when she appreciated my gesture. I let out a deep breath I never knew I was holding, and smile. She reciprocates it.

"Are your feet still sore?"

"A bit. I feel better, though" I speak for the first time since she sat besides me minutes ago.

"Good, because I was wondering-" She looks down and plays with the twirls in her hair like she does when she is nervous. "-If you would like to dance with me?"

"Wow" I shook my head in awe. "Sure, I mean, don't get me wrong, but I thought you would not want to dance with me"

She frowned. "Why would you think that?" I chuckle nervously, feeling cornered.

"No, no. Not like that. I just, you know, given what happened between us, hmm, recently"

"Ohh, hmm, yeah, you are right" She looks down as if she is hiding something from me, but her next words take my mind away from that. "But we are still friends, right?" She asks looking up at me again.

I smile, nodding my head. "Best friends!" I stand up from the chair and offer her my hand for dance.

(...)

As we dance to the chords of a soft song, I feel her chin on my shoulder, her fingers gripping the side of my waist, and her hand clutched in mine, the bundle resting on my chest. We always enjoy each other's company on the dance floor, there are no two ways about it. But the thoughts from before re-enter my mind, taunting me about this moment. How difficult would it be to let our guards down, and admit to ourselves?

I look to my left, the couple of the moment. So happy. My best friend and my little sister. Chandler and Monica. They danced comfortably in each other's arms. So in Love. They never seem to have any fights. At least not of the magnitude of what Rachel and I have endured in the past. I can not help but to feel a little envious, specially with this beauty dancing in my arms. Six years ago, how easy would it had been to be in their place!

But for now I would like to believe we were there. As we danced, it was easier to imagine her in a white wedding dress, like a floating angel, as she walked back into my life all those years ago. Like a bride. My bride.

A tear makes its way down my cheek, and maybe she feels it on her arm, because she pulls away to look at me with concern. She caresses my cheek to feel the liquid as I hold her tightly against me and say to myself, never looking away from her deep pools of aqua.

If only I would have not been such stupid back then.

If only we were not so full of egos.

If only we were willing to work past our problems.

"It could have been us"

These words float out of her mouth and she hugs me for all she's worth.

I don't know if it is my imagination or she really said it. But it felt like our bodies could still do the talking without actually speaking to one another. That is why she knew my exact thoughts.

And I felt a great relief as I realised this simple fact that she still got me.

I kissed the top of her head, and softly said. "I know"

* * *

 **So how was it? Too fluffy, too imaginative, to unrealistic? Post your reviews. Also, kindly give me incidents for the next chapter. Maybe I would be able to do justice to their thoughts.**


End file.
